Welcome Family, Friends, Colleagues, Neighbors and Loved Ones,
Well, everyone here is looking so colorful, and these flowers are absolutely gorgeous–as we all know, Melissa wouldn’t have had it any other way!
It’s with a full and grateful heart that I welcome you all here today in community to celebrate the life of the extraordinary woman with whom I shared my life for the last thirty years. My beautiful Melissa.
But she wasn’t just my Melissa, no, not by a longshot. As I already knew, but have come to understand even more deeply since her passing, Melissa was atrue and close friend to so many. I have been overwhelmed to discover over these past weeks how many people described her as “like a sister,” “a confidant,”“someone you could go to for help,” and “such a dear friend.” Of course on reflection, knowing Melissa and her boundless energy and love, thisfact doesn’t surprise me. But I want to take a moment to thank each and everyone of you for the outpouring of support and caring you have shown for Melissa,me, and our family in this emotional time. It has been a source of strength and healing, more than you can ever know, and we’ll never forget it.
When Melissa was first diagnosed with cancer eight years ago, she told me unequivocally that she didn’t want to share the news because she didn’t want to make anyone feel bad or worried about her. She didn’t want the people she loved to be uncomfortable at dinner parties or on fun trips we might take together. She preferred to share good times and laughter and to focus on others. That was how she lived her life, and it was never more clear than when she was navigating her illness. There were so many times when I marveled at her ability to manage her intensive medical treatments and her social calendar with a grace and ease very few could pull off. That was our Melissa.
I first met Melissa in May of 1983 at a horse show in Adrian, Michigan. It was impossible not to notice her style and her charm. I can’t remember whose horse placed higher in the rankings that weekend–although Melissa would surely remember that she had won!–but I do remember very clearly that I wanted to get to know this beautiful woman.
Six months later, in November of that year, we were on our way to another horse show in Florida, with friends from Ohio. The friends, another couple, had amotorhome and a horse trailer, so we set out together for a horse show road trip. We had our first real challenge when the motorhome overheated and broke down in Cartersville Georgia, and our friends had to disconnect the trailer and tow the motorhome to a garage for repairs. Melissa and I found ourselves totally alone for nearly eight hours, inside the trailer with three horses, sitting on straw, and talking and talking. I bought some snacks and water from a vending machine and we really got to know each other, telling stories and sharing our philosophies on life. And it felt so easy that day. It was as if we had always known each other. But that was really just the start of our friendship. And I guess it was what you might call a “slow burn,” because it would be eight years–yes, eight years!–before we decided to really date each other.
That November we went to spend our first Thanksgiving as a couple with Melissa’s parents in Cincinnati. On the drive there, I asked her what sort of foodher family liked to eat for the holiday, and I was delighted to find out that our celebrations were similar. Again, it just felt like our lives matched in all the rightways, large and small. It felt as if it was meant to be, and you know what? It was meant to be. Between Christmas and New Years, we decided to get married. And in March of ‘92 we made it official in a beautiful ceremony and reception that Melissa designed. And yes, it took us eight long years to go from friendship to dating, but only seven months to fall in love, get engaged, and happily promise to spend the rest of our lives together.
Melissa was a woman with a vision. She had a vision for how to raise horses, for how to be an entrepreneur, for how to serve her community, and for how to live her life with a sense of wonder and appreciation. She put her all into everything she did, and she lived every moment with joy and excitement. When it came to work, Melissa was always a businesswoman, even from an early age. After attending Ohio State University, she worked as a safety director for a construction company. As part of her job, she was given a camera. On weekends she would take the camera to horse shows and farm visits and photograph the horses, and over time she cultivated an international reputation as a respected equine photographer, accepting commissions to create portraits of equestrian champions around the world.
Her love of art led her to yet another entrepreneurial adventure when she opened her own gallery, featuring original paintings and sculptures by a wide-ranging variety of artists that she hand-picked. Those who knew her can easily see how it was in her nature to put together appealing collections of visual works. Creating beauty was one of her favorite things to do throughout her life, whether decorating homes and public spaces or curating special dinners, receptions and events.
But if you asked Melissa about her most loved work efforts, she’d tell you that her favorite role was as Vice President of Communications at our company, Shearer Foods. The thing is, she didn’t love it because it was our company or because I was the CEO. No, she always told me it was the wonderful people we worked with. In fact, Melissa was probably my biggest critic at work, but she was also my truest supporter. She wanted everyone to know that she was not a “yes-woman,” and that she could stand up to her husband when she thought he was wrong, even if he was “the boss.”
There’s a funny story about just that. Right after Melissa started working at Shearers, I had to give my quarterly “State of the Company” remarks at a corporate gathering, in front of all of our employees. After my speech that afternoon, she came into my office and said, “We need to talk.” “Yes, what is it?” I asked. “Did you like my speech?”
Melissa didn’t mince words, and she didn’t ask permission when she knew she was right. “I’ve signed you up for a public speaking course,” she said. “It starts next Tuesday at 7PM. Here’s the address.” It was actually a four-day event. In Charlotte, North Carolina. I prayed for snow, but the snow never came. Well, needless to say, I went to the course (those who knew Melissa know I didn’t have a choice!), and it was the best thing that happened to my public speaking skills. The point is, Melissa always wanted to help me succeed, to help me grow, to help me be the best I could be, in business and in life. She truly made me a better boss and a better man. She also thrived in helping others, and especially enjoyed mentoring and supporting women in the workplace, encouraging them to cultivate new skills and cheering for their accomplishments along the way.
Beyond work, Melissa never hesitated to give her time to any number of causes, including charitable groups, art museums and hospice organizations. She particularly loved the work we did with Habitat for Humanity, as well as the special dinners and golf outings she created over many years to raise funds for local charities. She also extended her time and support to Whispering Grace Horses/Freedom Farm, an equine therapy program that helps troubled youths and veterans to heal through contact with these magnificent animals. It’s easy to see why she believed so much in the work they do, and why she was so proud to be a part of it.
In speaking of animals, it’s of course clear to everyone who knew Melissa that they were her greatest passion in life. In addition to horses, she was just wild about our miniature Schnauzers, Ranger and Scout (and the five others who came before!) and I can tell you for certain, they still miss their mama. For her they were pure happiness, a core part of her wellbeing, and a source of true comfort and companionship. They were also a friend magnet! No, it’s true. Just being out and about, walking the dogs, Melissa and I have met some of our closest friends in the world.
That’s the thing about Melissa–she had enough space in her heart to make friends literally wherever she went. Some of the people in this room have been friends with Melissa for nearly her entire life. Others came along later, from our wonderful work colleagues to our tennis and golf and horse show buddies. And then there’s our incredible community of friends in Arbor Strand, Florida; in Scottsdale, Arizona; and of course right here in Canton. Melissa always said we were so blessed to have so many really good people in our lives. I couldn’t agree more.
But friendship for Melissa started at home with her beloved younger sister Kathy. These two women had a bond that grew stronger and stronger over the years, even when they each had their own families and lived too far away to see each other regularly. I would always smile to hear them on the phone, talking about the things they loved–baking, decorating, the kids, the holidays. Melissa adored her nieces and nephews (and her brother-in-law Ken!) and always wanted the latest news on their adventures and achievements. Melissa cherished her four brothers–Jay, Jim, Tom and Kevin. Family was everything to her, and she felt their love and support deep in her heart. She was always grateful for that, and so am I.
You know, I looked back on these last eight years and I counted something like 600 individual doctors’ appointments and treatments that Melissa and I went to together. Before the cancer, we were one of those couples who just–and I say this humbly–we kind of had it all. We were married later in life, we were stable and mature, we had shared interests and compatible personalities. And so facing this whole journey of illness and treatment together, as loving partners, was in some ways a gift to us. Yes, a gift. Of course I wish it had never happened, but there is no doubt that it brought us so much closer. I saw the depths of Melissa’s strength and her boundless positivity, even in facing such a tremendous battle. She was a fighter. It made me love her and admire her more than ever. She was a truly remarkable woman.
In wrapping up, I want to share a beautiful poem with you, because I think it perfectly captures just how Melissa would approach this moment. It was sent to me by Melissa’s cousin Bev Sullivan, and it’s called, “CELEBRATE WITH ME.”
Is my presence missing? Do you feel a sense of loss?
Then find a quiet place and go inside yourself,
Close your eyes and cup your hands,
Hold my memory with tenderness and love.
Remember the wonder, joy and togetherness we shared.
Feel the energy that we generated.
See us surrounded by golden light.
Hear the rhythm of our voices, a human melody.
Feel us. See us. Hear us.
Embrace us, for I am embracing you.
Now, open your hands and raise them high.
Send my spirit on its way.
Watch me soar! Rejoice as I fly free!
And remember, if you need me;
Close your eyes.
Cup your hands.
Feel the energy.
See the light.
Listen to the music.
Embrace yourself.
Here I am!
Melissa, my darling, I still can’t believe you’re gone. I feel your presence, your beauty, your wit, your style and your grace in everything I do. I will love you and carry you in my heart all the days of my life. Thank you all again so much for coming. I’ll leave you with a simple thought. If you want to know how best to pay tribute to Melissa, all you have to do is to live your own lives to the very fullest, squeezing out all the joy and goodness you can, giving thanks, and leaving behind as much love as possible. Because that’s what Melissa did, and we’ll never forget her. God bless you all.